Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A Pregnant Time

Okay so I took some time off there.
I've regrouped.
I've joined twitter.
I've re-joined Facebook.
I've gained 6 pounds.
How could I possibly stop blogging?

Back to the gaining of 6 pounds, in two weeks that is. Right now I weigh more than I ever have, ever, in my life. Now don't get me wrong - I'm cool with that. But it's a little weird to see numbers I have never seen before when I step on the scale. And it's strange at the end here when I'm now going to the Dr. weekly and I'm gaining each week. But I guess Sharky's gain = my gain...so that's good.

So I'm in the middle of my 38th week now, and man am I feeling it. I had to 'take it easy' between 34 and 37 weeks because I was dilating early. That kind of stunk because I still had some energy left in me. Now that I don't have to take it easy anymore that's all I want to do. It seriously is a chore just to roll over in bed. But imagine (if you haven't ever been 38 weeks pregnant) that you have a 25 lb. bowling ball strapped to your abdomen. Now try to roll over. See what I mean. Images of beached wales coming to mind?

Being at the end here really messes with my head. The unknown of it all. When will I go into labor? Will I have had a good night's sleep or will I just be about to fall into bed? And how badly will it hurt? Ouch, unfortunately I already know.

This pregnancy has taught me so much about myself, especially my 23 year old self when I was pregnant with Jackson. I have approached pregnancy very differently this time...in so many ways. One of the biggest ways is what I believe about my body. When I was pregnant with Jackson I didn't trust my body. It's not that I actively, consciously had these thoughts, but as I look back I can see that I didn't trust that my body would be able to bring Jackson into the world. I felt comfort in the medical interventions I had during labor, they helped me to believe that I could do it, I could birth this child. I also didn't listen to myself or my body, I listened to my Doctor. And I believe she had my best interest in mind, but why didn't I trust myself?

I've changed a lot since then.

This time around I have done a lot of reading. We've hired a doula (a birth coach to be there and assist during labor). Steve and I have communicated in great detail what our hopes and expectations are for the birth of Sharky. (He's sadly remains unnamed...a predicament which has us losing sleep at this point!) And perhaps one of the biggest differences is that I trust what my body is going to do. I believe that my body was designed to bear children, and that it knows what's going on. And I trust my instincts.

Did you know that a female tigress has the ability to stop her labor cold if she feels endangered? In the case of an attack, while in labor, her body produces a hormone that stops labor immediately allowing her to run. Isn't that amazing?

I don't know when I'm going to have this baby, but I know it will be in the next three weeks. And I know that it's going to be an awesome experience. And I kind of can't wait for that!


5 comments:

  1. Margaret, Margaret, Margaret.....i love how you write, and share what you are thinking....I know you know yourself better now that 4.5 years ago.....and I am so confident that you will be a "super star" when you birth this baby.....It is what life is all about.....GIVING....to others....and you are giving of yourself TOTALLY to birth this baby....it will be the hardest work you have ever done, but the most gratifying.....i cannot wait to hear about it....in other words....i can't wait for the baby to be born....i have all the confidence in the WORLD in you experiencing the power and ability to go through this labor and birth....ENJOY it....Breathe it....and yes, i bet if i were pushing out a baby and i were getting attacked....i would suck it up and run too!!!!

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  2. I am so glad that you decided to keep blogging...you have so many good thoughts in you...glad that you have learned so much...I'm sure that you are going to teach me things as I think about pregnancy:) love u!

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