Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A Pregnant Time

Okay so I took some time off there.
I've regrouped.
I've joined twitter.
I've re-joined Facebook.
I've gained 6 pounds.
How could I possibly stop blogging?

Back to the gaining of 6 pounds, in two weeks that is. Right now I weigh more than I ever have, ever, in my life. Now don't get me wrong - I'm cool with that. But it's a little weird to see numbers I have never seen before when I step on the scale. And it's strange at the end here when I'm now going to the Dr. weekly and I'm gaining each week. But I guess Sharky's gain = my that's good.

So I'm in the middle of my 38th week now, and man am I feeling it. I had to 'take it easy' between 34 and 37 weeks because I was dilating early. That kind of stunk because I still had some energy left in me. Now that I don't have to take it easy anymore that's all I want to do. It seriously is a chore just to roll over in bed. But imagine (if you haven't ever been 38 weeks pregnant) that you have a 25 lb. bowling ball strapped to your abdomen. Now try to roll over. See what I mean. Images of beached wales coming to mind?

Being at the end here really messes with my head. The unknown of it all. When will I go into labor? Will I have had a good night's sleep or will I just be about to fall into bed? And how badly will it hurt? Ouch, unfortunately I already know.

This pregnancy has taught me so much about myself, especially my 23 year old self when I was pregnant with Jackson. I have approached pregnancy very differently this so many ways. One of the biggest ways is what I believe about my body. When I was pregnant with Jackson I didn't trust my body. It's not that I actively, consciously had these thoughts, but as I look back I can see that I didn't trust that my body would be able to bring Jackson into the world. I felt comfort in the medical interventions I had during labor, they helped me to believe that I could do it, I could birth this child. I also didn't listen to myself or my body, I listened to my Doctor. And I believe she had my best interest in mind, but why didn't I trust myself?

I've changed a lot since then.

This time around I have done a lot of reading. We've hired a doula (a birth coach to be there and assist during labor). Steve and I have communicated in great detail what our hopes and expectations are for the birth of Sharky. (He's sadly remains unnamed...a predicament which has us losing sleep at this point!) And perhaps one of the biggest differences is that I trust what my body is going to do. I believe that my body was designed to bear children, and that it knows what's going on. And I trust my instincts.

Did you know that a female tigress has the ability to stop her labor cold if she feels endangered? In the case of an attack, while in labor, her body produces a hormone that stops labor immediately allowing her to run. Isn't that amazing?

I don't know when I'm going to have this baby, but I know it will be in the next three weeks. And I know that it's going to be an awesome experience. And I kind of can't wait for that!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

To Blog or Not to Blog, Revisited.

It seems that I am not a very good blogger. Here's the problem: I am a lazy blogger, I have issues with the computer (I don't like spending a lot of time on it), and I have a hard time believing people are even reading my blog. I'm just not sure this relationship is working...I think we might be breaking up.

The thing that makes we want to stick with it is that I have good blogging ideas all the time! Sometimes when I can't sleep I think up the content of my next (alleged) blog post with a snappy title and everything. But I NEVER end up writing the post. I mean, I had a middle of the night post called 'Ode to Jellies' all about the jelly shoes of my childhood and how I want to assist in bringing them back into coolness. I've had posts about Jackson and the crazy things he says. Posts about donuts...lots of posts about donuts. But somewhere there is a disconnect from my head to my computer.

If I had a secretary that would solve a lot of problems. I think a lot of it is that when I have time to do something for myself the last thing I want to do is be sitting at my computer. If I had a secretary I would dictate my blog posts while I washed the dishes.

The other problem is I don't know who my readership is. And I believe one of the first rules about writing is 'know your audience". That makes blogging especially tough for me.

So, here's what I'm asking of you. If you read my blog and you like to read it, leave a comment. It's ironic that I'm asking for comments because I typically dislike them (my argument being why wouldn't you just email me?) but in this case comments are my friend. Just let me know you're still reading. Otherwise, we're through.